|Addison's Walk, Magdalen College, Oxford, UK|
It's such a cozy thought;
that we are all screwed up and can't be fixed,
and so we just need to take this swirling mix of snake bites, belly slugs,
and our "mealy-mouthed self-obsessed" selves and
and go sip our tea and think pretty thoughts, or take a nap.
Self-expression is the cure, they say.
But then again, they say
Then they add, well, there's laughter and there's this stuff called grace,
which, of course, nobody bothers to define.
It's such a nice-sounding word.
Soothing salve on a festering wound is much simpler than surgery.
There is a counterfeit for everything, and we are so easily fooled.
We think calling the ugly ugly will somehow make things better.
Being present, authentic. Confessing our true feelings.
We feel better... for a few minutes.
But once we've said our little words, drunk our tea and taken our naps,
it isn't long before life slaps us in the face,
and sends us off muffling a scream.
We clamor for an escape.
We are restless. Sometimes miserable.
Until we start searching out what Jesus really said and then start really doing it,
all this paradox, this impossibility, this craziness,
this disintegration of soul remains in all its ugly bitterness.
But it's so hard to let go of the reins.
It's so hard to stop trusting myself.
It's so hard to really believe that I don't know what's best for me,
that what I think I want isn't really what I want.
If only we will start really doing what Jesus said
and begin thinking like He thought,
things will begin to come together.
What seemed crazy, a paradox, will start to make sense.
What seemed impossible will actually become possible, real, tangible.
What made us ache endlessly will become a fountain of healing for us and others.
We will find ourselves being fixed.
It is a lie that everyone plays games.
That everyone is stuck with a festering, empty, self-obsessed soul.
It is a lie that we just have to learn to laugh at this life in order to cope with it.
It is a lie that Jesus doesn't expect anything more out of us than just being empathetic...
We don't know what is good for us.
We don't know what will truly make us happy.
We don't know what is right and wholesome and pure and lastingly good.
But if we will really want to know and if we look,
we will find that Jesus knows what we need!
If we will start taking Him seriously,
we can begin a journey that keeps bringing us to more and more integration of soul,
ever-deepening joy, abundant and full beyond our imagination!
Don't believe the lie that keeps you enslaved,
wandering through life, a lost, clingy, scared and screwed up soul.
You don't have to stay that way!
There is a way out of the darkest, deepest, most heinous situation.
Healing that goes to the core and works out from there can begin.
But you'll have to seek it.
You'll have to intend to find it as though your very existence depends on it. (And actually it does.)
If what I am experiencing is what I am convinced it is, you'll have to completely let go of your will and trust Somebody else who says He knows how to fix you.